A Fine Line__________________

Looking back to one year ago this month.  It hardly seems possible that the year passed so quickly and yet, it took forever.  When you mark time by some tragedy or difficult circumstance, you notice that life appears to go in slow motion for you; while the rest of the world goes by swiftly without you.  It's like the difference between listening to someone talk under water as opposed to coming up for air and listening to the shrill clarity of the splashing, wild cacophony of children squealing in delight (side note: you need to swim with children regularly to know they love to play this game like the old telephone operator game, only under water.)

Sometimes, I enjoy looking back at old journal entries to see where I've been and what I was thinking at the time.  It's a great opportunity to see how God was in control all along.  It's a great way to remind yourself of answered prayer and blessings.  And, it's a great way to renew your worship and give God an offering of fresh praise.  This month marks the one year anniversary of my husband's successful brain surgery to remove a benign tumor.  The news of his tumor was tempered by the fact that his sister was simultaneously battling an agressive brain cancer.  She passed away last October.  It's been a long year filled with prayer, uncertainty, fear, faith, surgery, rehab, prayer, frightening post op complications, prayer, facial paralysis, deafness in one ear, and finally, recovery.  Recovery is like coming up for air and hearing the clarity of normalcy again.  As I look back, I give thanks to God.  Here's where I was and what I wrote last year before Rich's surgery.

A Fine Line_________________

A fine line it is

between

fear____________________ and trust

peace ___________________and panic

Crossed it many times

back and forth

privately

Fear and trust

my next door neighbors

whichever way I am facing

the other one is right behind me

it is a very short continuum

a fine line______________________

Left to my own devices

in my foolishness

I visit fear

and dwell there

though it has never been a friend

For we know

that perfect fear

casts out love

Your Love

and I most certainly know

that Your Love

has always been my Friend

In my weakened state of trust

fear is more familiar to me

more logical

than trust

which is not natural

and uncomfortable

risky

vulnerable

Trust must be chosen

grown

developed

a muscle

stretched

strengthened

tested

proven

I must choose

in Your strength

to move away from fear

and move in with Trust

permanently

regardless of the neighborhood

of circumstances around me

Lord

in Your grace

strengthen my trust

distance me from fear

turn me again

to face You

where I find peace

You are my

Open Door

to freedom

from

___________________________Fear