My Mother's Lullabies

Mary Allen Burkholder Smolenski

She wasn't country club, 

though she grew up in it.

She was practical and matter of fact.

Mary Allen Burkholder, 9 years old, the middle daughter

She used a big magnet to hide 

an envelope of cash in the corner metal cabinet and a safety pin to keep the legs of a toddler's sleeper together and in the crib. "Necessity is the mother of invention," she'd say. 

I tried to pull her into my teenage drama

but she wouldn't come.

I got it from her.  She could redirect any child with a raised eyebrow.

When my children yank my chain they hear me say  "I will not be playing that game" or "Welcome to Camp Pat"...they pretty much know... 

She didn't go to every sporting event

and never felt guilty about it.

She didn't plan lunch dates or shopping dates

or mommy/daughter time.
She read to me, tucked me in and
sang adorable lullabies.  When we were sick 
she brought us scrambled eggs
on her special plate, with her china doll and a shoe box full of weathered family photos.

 

The Little Small Red Hen... she read this over and over to us with great inflection and drama!

She washed and sewed and thought of "umpteen" ways to sort socks.  She ironed shirts, gave spit baths to toddlers on the run, lined us up weekly to shampoo 10 heads, and made countless meals...

always the loaf of bread, in a stack, on the dinner table.

She said funny things like "If you're thirsty, swallow your spit" and "I am not Everybody Else's mother."

She said "uneducated women talked about people

and educated women talked about things."

That "men put their pants on one leg at a time," 

and some she "didn't trust as far as she could throw."

I shopped for my prom dresses in the attic closet,
worn by 7 sisters before me.  I wore every one of the bathing suits in this photo...

happy to have so many choices

and I never thought to ask for more.

She didn't drink (much),

she wasn't angry or resentful and sometimes,  I wonder why.

She taught me, scolded me, sang to me

and loved me, she told me so before she died...

"You're one of the good ones, Patty."

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Patricia Smolenski Spreng

In loving memory of Mary Allen Burkholder Smolenski (1918-2008)  

The lullabies she sang to me...